i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
nutella sex= disaster
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
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