One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
