As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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