If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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