Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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