Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
