She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
