Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
