I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
soo... how was my night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
