so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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