there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
