what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
