I will die if light touches me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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