my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
