I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
