does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
