Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
