Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
