If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
