I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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