dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
