Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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