No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize