You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
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My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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