I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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