dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
