if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
