yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
