I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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