they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
