.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
