Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
