you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
foreskin is a definite game changer
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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