It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
