When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
is it fun? or sober?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
