This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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