Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
