im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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