Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize