Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
