She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
