either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
