i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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