When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
