She is in my trunk
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
tell me about the eggs
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
