He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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