Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
