Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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