Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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