how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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