I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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