Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
