Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?