youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.