so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment