How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling