I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
