dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
