Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
