Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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