just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
