Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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