I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
