that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We left an ass print on the piano.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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